By Justine Wilson, ES Principal, and Mariana Dantas, ES School Counselor
*Merriam-Webster defines resilience as "the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”
There is so much that parents don’t know...what was eaten for lunch, who played with who, what book was read, what happened in math class, etc….This can cause some parents to be uncomfortable as their child grows up. As children grow to become autonomous people, the more children need to learn how to depend on themselves. The school is here to support them. Maureen Healy wrote in Psychology Today, “The process of childhood includes making mistakes. However, the resilient child has somehow learned to pick him or herself up and keep going.” Yes, students make mistakes and have problems at school. There are not more problems amongst our students then at any another school in Brazil, the United States or any other place where children interact. Honestly, I am glad there are problems because problems are learning opportunities depending on how we, the adults, act! Catharine Newman wrote in Parents Magazine that we must teach realist assessment of situations. Most problems are not mountains acting as barriers, but rather that “most problems are clumps of dirt in the road”.
We all have choices when children bring problems to us, the adults:
1. As adults, we can get upset and rush in to save the children and “take care of it” for them.
2. As adults, we can listen, provide ideas, coach the child in coming to a solution and celebrate together.
Each of the above choices has consequences. If we choose number 1 and get upset investing a lot of energy into the problem, the children see that the adult took the problem and made it disappear. Children then become reliant, using the adult as a crutch, and will repeat this behavior because they haven’t learned what to do for themselves.
If we choose number 2 and see the learning opportunity for the child, even if their feelings were hurt, the child becomes resilient building self confidence. We can ask what the child did to solve the problem, say “Wow, that was smart” or ask “Did that work? If not, what can you do differently next time you have a problem?” This empowers children to own their problems, even if something happened to them that was not fair. According to Newman, optimism is also an important factor in building resilience. Recognize the problem and share how others have overcome similar problems. They learn to have a voice, that their voice matter, and that the adults are optimistic that they can solve the problem.
Schools are full of caring, diligent, knowledgeable professionals who want the best for all children. That’s why we all work in education! All the teaching staff help children to solve problems daily. Trust the professionals to notify parents when needed. 1,000s of children have come through our doors...
Teachers teach values which our community has all agreed to. We teach them directly and indirectly. We have recently added the Learner Profile, thanks to the adoption of the PYP, which also gives us a common language. We want children to learn right from wrong, to act with the values and when they don’t to reflect and learn. We work on this daily in every interaction we observe with students. There are many “right” ways to do this as long as the children are owning their problem and learning. Children are learning about respectful caring behavior, different perspectives, being a communicator and reflecting.
Next time your child brings a complaint or concern home, choose one of the following questions:
“What did you do about it?”
“Who did you talk to?”
“How did you express yourself?”
*magic happens here* Then congratulate them for their effort and move on to another subject to talk about. This builds autonomy, resilience and problem solving skills leading children to have a healthy outlook for life with less stress and anxiety.
Maureen Healy. (2014) The Resilient Child. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://bit.ly/2QXmMrX
Newman, Catherine. (2018) 7 Ways to Raise a Resilient Child. Parents Magazine. Retrieved from internet 26/9/2018. https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/ways-to-raise-a-resilient-child/
*A Parent’s Resource Guide to Social Emotional Learning. Explore a curated list of blogs, articles, and videos for parents about fostering skills like kindness, empathy, gratitude, resilience, perseverance, and focus in children. You can find it here at the link: https://www.edutopia.org/SEL-parents-resources.
An amazing turn around happened in my school this year that no one ever writes about being possible. A struggling teacher didn't win the race in the first 100 yards, she won in at the end! After years struggling with classroom management, she got the class on board with respect and kindness in the final months of school! How did she do it? Read on...
A teacher was struggling with classroom management since she started teaching three years ago. She reached out for help, to no avail. Before I became principal we had already established a good professional relationship. She reached out and we videotaped lessons, modeled, observed, had meetings, the counselor visited the class often, etc. but nothing worked. I would visit her class and continue to see students arguing, roaming around the room, calling out, having side conversations off topic and the class was loud in the hallways.
I knew it wasn’t just a bad class. I refuse to ever believe that there are “bad classes”. Students will rise to the bar that is set for them, but the bar must be set clearly and with consistency. I also, I knew she was a great teacher with kindness, a love of learning, knowledge of teaching and a willingness to improve. She would try new ideas and see how they worked and had the creativity to explain concepts in many ways. However, she wasn't able to put her knowledge about management into practice which was hindering her class from learning. As the principal, it came to a point where the superintendent and I had a talk with her. We told her she had to do it, she must fix it, she needed to get her classroom management under control.
I asked what she needed and she said for me to observe and give feedback, a lot of feedback.
True to my word, for the next three weeks I observed a lot, several times in a day. I would leave notes with feedback, we met regularly, I commented on her reflection google doc she made for herself, and more. She observed other teachers and they observed her too.
There were baby steps in the right direction. Math became more structured and orderly with a predictable flow. Students were learning more during math lessons. Great! But it wasn't enough yet! It still wasn’t a well managed class, transitions and group work was still difficult. Students were still not responding to the attention signal the first time and were still roaming around the room.
Three weeks after the meeting we had with the teacher, the class’ parents called a meeting with the teacher, myself, and the counselor to talk about the problems they were hearing about at home and their concerns. We listened to their concerns but they wanted answers and change now. Together we presented a Discipline Menu for teachers to choose from based on the child behavior and a Discipline Reflection Sheet. The teacher was going to start using these tools. I knew the teacher could make the changes, she just needed time. I was seeing evidence of the baby steps. At that meeting we guaranteed an improvement. I was just hoping it would happen sooner rather than later!
A few days later during an observation, I walked in the room and what did I see??? A well managed classroom. Students were sitting in their seats, responding to the attention signal the first time, students were being respectful to each other and the teachers, they were all on task. What I really noticed was that the students all were doing what was asked of them. It seemed like it all clicked overnight. I knew she had it. I visited again the next day and I saw the same success. The classroom had a different feel. I could tell students felt safe and calm. I was not surprised. I was relieved...she had finally done it!
We met to reflect and celebrate. I had to know, what made the difference? How did she do this? What had worked this time that hadn’t worked before?
What I saw from the outside was a determined teacher trying, failing, reflecting, revising and trying again. I saw the inquiry cycle in process. She wanted to save her class and she figured out how to it. She stopped making excuses, took responsibility and set a system in place for holding students to expectations and consistently put it into action. Every fiber of her body was managing that class while she was teaching and kids were learning. She became consistent and communicative with parents.
Her answer about what happened was simple. In her head she had been blaming parents for not being supportive, blaming kids for being rude, blaming others for the problems that were happening in her class. When she realized that it all depended on her and how she responds to what happens in her class, that is when what became so liberating for her. She said she stopped making excuses and took responsibility over what she could control, She knew she had to it for the students and she did.
If you like to see the data, when she got the classroom management under control, you would be happy to know the students’ math scores improved. But so much more than that happened too. The students were happier, calmer, more inquisitive and respectful to others, used better teamwork...the class had a pleasant buzz of learning for the remainder of the school year.
The message of this story is that it is never too late to be better. It is not too late to gain control of a class in the last semester of school or learning something new. It isn’t too late for administrators to work together with teachers for the students benefit. When administrators support and believe in teachers, changes are possible at any stage of the race! Equally important it is the teacher’s hard work and in her words, “not making excuses”, that made it all possible.
**This didn't seem to fit in the story above, but I wanted to include these thoughts. I feel an immense amount of gratitude for the trust this teacher shared with me along her journey. I saw some really low lows and she continued to ask for help and try. She didn't hide and that takes courage. I am so honored and grateful to have been apart of this amazingly twisty windy journey that ended up as a huge win! The win was two fold, for the students' learning for the remainder of that school year and the teacher's future in the classroom has forever been changed.